I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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