He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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