I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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