Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
