I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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