he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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