ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
