I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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