True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I fill condoms, not promises.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
