Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
