She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
