Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Randomize
