I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
