I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
