I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
