Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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