We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
