I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
