So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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