Sponge bath it is.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
