I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.