I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.