It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to