meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
