we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
