We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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