the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
