You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Alive.
So much puke
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
