forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
