I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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