I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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