The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
