Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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