she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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