can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
