so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
