that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He felt like a one man threesome
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
