I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I need to align my fucking chakras
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