I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
