so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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