I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
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I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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