i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
