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They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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