Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
