You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
