dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Enjoy the penises
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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