**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
