If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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