I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
