walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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