oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
