Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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