just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
