Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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