I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
