Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
