I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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