Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
