I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
