i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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