I think scott just propositioned me for sex
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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