Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
