We named our party play list daddy issues
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
