I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
