does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
