Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
