I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
