I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
