Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
