We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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