I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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