I'm so fucking centered right now
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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