apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
