put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think I sprained my soul last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
