So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
