youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
