Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
