after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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