ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
