does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
