Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
