can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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