I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
