I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
