the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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