He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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